BADGE OF HONOUR: GOLDEN BOYS

This is a modern classic. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give to you, RES

WHEN WHITE BOYS DO SOUL JA BOY....

I'm actually speechless

CHILL-LARY

After watching the Democratic Debate last night in Ohio, it is clear that if Hilary Clinton loses the next two superdelegates states (Ohio & Texas) she might deal with her entire campaign team - bitch-slapping each and everyone of them.

She was furious with Barack about past allegations and she looked like she might bite his ass on stage. We therefore renamed her as CHILL-LARY.

We know there's nothing like power but seriously......accept defeat if it comes - gracefully!

UNDER-21 POWER COUPLE

Looking at this exclusive Chris Brown and Rihanna photo, doesn't it look like they were having that infamous argument 'You're cute...no, you're cutier.....no no no, you're like way hotter....no, you are like way hotter.....".

Jackpot Chris-boy - hold on to that trophy. She's very hot!

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, BeJay-once!

JUST 'RAP' MUSIC

You know when Chris Rock famously commented "...it's hard to defend rap music", we all laughed and took it as a general exaggeration but the more these rappers get paid, the more random ridiculousness they spit.

I'm sure we've all heard the new Plies Ft. Akon single 'Hypnotize'. Please judge these profound words for yourself....

It's two o'clock in the mo'nin', I'm 'gnaced up and I'm ho'ny
All I need now is some moanin', that pussy got me zonin'
Her vibe tell me she want it, she got to fuck how she on me
I got her now 'cause she jonin', I know in the panties she foamin'
I locked eyes on that monkey, I know she wet 'cause she told me
That ass on her she pokin', every nigga in here scopin'
I see me up in her pokin', she bent over and I'm strokin'
Her cheeks spread wide open, I'm beatin' it and I'm focused

THEN THE 'GENIUS' CHORUS -

You got me so hypnotized, the way yo' body rollin' 'round and
Round, that booty keep bumpin', titties just bouncin', up and down
You got me so hypnotized, the way yo' body rollin' 'round and
Round, that booty keep bumpin', titties just bouncin', up and down

Isn't this something?

MISSEN IDENTITIES

This is a new segment where we try and find some of our older favourite stars. Often, our childhood heroes are no where to be found in today's cut-throat media world but it doesn't mean we ever stopped loving them.

So if you know where they're hiding, or living, or dealing - please get in touch!

Our search starts with (i) Karyn Parsons (remember Hilary from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?)



(ii) Skin >(the leader singer of Skunk Anasie). We want to know where the very talented and stylish singer of the Brit indie-group is. Any clues?

THIS BOY MUUUUUUUUUST WIN

American Idol always has one young person that makes us all weak because of their raw talent and I must quote Simon Cowell when he described this chap's performnace 'When you got it, you got it....."

He's only 17 years old but when this boy opens his mouth, you just have to shut up. He is the business and more so, he is so well mannered.

We vote David Archuleta. Any day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KEITH LEMON: BUSINESSMAN OF THE YEAR '93

This is the new comedy KING! He is absolutely off-his-nut.

He has crowned himself "The Ming-magnet"

LET'S ALL SWITCH OFF.....

This is simply brutal but effective. I spilted my tea out of horror.

The message is very strong and I think too often we all feel invincible. Please watch!

GUESS WHO'S BACK?

Our boy Owen Wilson made an appearance at last night's Academy awards ceremony looking sharp in his tuxedo. Donning the trademark shaggy haircut, he looked healthy as he presented the award for best animated short film. He also received a warm and loud applause from his peers at the Kodak Theatre, Los Angeles.

Welcome back buddy!

OSCAR ROYALTY: TILDA SWINTON

Hot-off winning the Best Supporting Actress accolade at last night's Academy Awards for her role as the fierce lawyer in Micheal Clayton, we think our Brit is a breath of fresh air. She was genuinely pleased at her triumph and we just loved her speech.

Oh, no. Happy birthday, man. I have an American agent who is the spitting image of this. Really truly the same shape head and, it has to be said, the buttocks. And I'm giving this to him because there's no way I would be in America at all ever on a plane, if it wasn't for him. So, Brian Swardstrom, I'm giving this to you. And Tony Gilroy walks on water, it's entirely official as far as I'm concerned, and Jen Fox and Steve Samuels, our incredible producers.And Sydney Pollack, and George Clooney, you know, the seriousness and the dedication to your art, seeing you climb into that rubber bat suit from "Batman & Robin," the one with the nipples, every morning under your costume, on the set, off the set, hanging upside-down at lunch, you rock, man.

GENIUS!

We also praise Cate Blanchett (officially the greatest actress of this generation) but something tells us she will have many many more Oscar moments to live. We love you Cate!

MY COUNTRY SIDE

Don't worry, I'm not moving to Nashville or telling you to start wearing cowboy hats to bed. I just have a lot of respect for country music. I think the genre artists make extremely honest music coupled with emotional vocals.

My new addiction is Kenny Chesney's Don't Blink. It is so powerful, it makes me bleed emotionally.

Please enjoy AND think!

MARY J BLIGE: GROWING PRIDE

It is always exciting whenever Ms Blige decides to drop another album. We have all become pretty used to her usual routine of releasing a clubber banger as the opening single followed by a huge ballad (My Life, Share my World, No More Drama, What's the 411)

It's incredible how over the years Ms Blige's authenticity hasn't diminished and she continues to win crowds rather than lose them as her sound evolves.

Growing Pains I must confess creept up on me. The end of last year had been filled with such good debuts that I could happily have not purchased another album for a while.

I sampled this album on my MP3 as I always do - everything sounds better on headphones. The opener 'Work that' is trademark Queen-of-R&B-soul - quick lyrical delivery over Dr Dre-esque production. It certainly is a feel good number.

One of my immediate favourites follows 'Grown Woman' featuring Ludacris, testimony to what's going on in Black music in 2008 - obscure beat programming ridden with speak-style singing. Ludacris' verse is a key highlight "LUDA! I ain't lying, I think I'm in love wit a grown woman/ She stay stunnin' /Got sweet lovin' & home cookin'/ Be known to make'em moan to da break of dawn/ A lil lady in da streets, but at home I give her a grown whoppin/ Yea!/ I hit the jeweler and I make a chain flawless, white diamond and I put that on everything/ Mami stylish she knows how to accessorize and we some stair master i make her get her exercise wit ya sexy thighs body got me memorized/ Lil boys are scared and other guys be putrefied"

"Just Fine" is the feel good single that makes me what to replicate her Micheal Jackson-esque moves in the video. Then suddenly the ballads appear - and you know what - they are very good. They get better with every listen, "Feel like a woman", "Stay down", "Hurt again" are all classic Mary and very reminiscent of the MY LIFE album.

Some incredible vocals are unleashed on "Fade Away" and "What Love is" - these two are the peak of the album. Inspiring words like "And it feels like joy, and it feels like pain/ And it feels like sunshine, feels like rain/ An excuse for dying, reason to live/ And if you don't know, that's what love is/ Love is" are belted out over extremely polished beats.

'GROWING PAINS' exceeds my expectations and it certainly makes 'BREAKTHROUGH' seem like a rushed produce. We don't need to reiterate that Ms. Blige is in a good place as it is written all over the record.

A compelling effort.

Who is Feist?

Many of us know her as the voice to the iPod nano but I'm not sure enough people know her as the very talented singer songwriter. She has racked up an impressive resume even performing at the recently concluded Grammy awards show.

She is canadian. She performs as a solo artist under the name Feist, and has been a member of the indie rock supergroup Broken Social Scene.

I'm urging us all to go buy her album, Reminder.

KANYE: OVER-INDULGENCE?

I'm reviewing the new "arty" Kanye video for "FLASHING LIGHTS". I can't decide if this is actually credible or over-indulgent.

What do you think?

BRITISH SPARE PARTS!

£2.5 MILLION FOR WEDDING PICTURES OF THESE UGLY MUTTS? I THINK NOT!

IF ANYONE I KNOW BUYS A COPY OF THE PUBLICATION - I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN. THAT'S A PROMISE!

BUT WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Just in case you thought, The Church of Scientology couldn't 'acquire' more weird members. I reveal a pioneer to you all - ISSAC HAYES. Yep!

SUCH A GOOD MOVE GEORGE!

Has anyone noticed that our dear President can never help himself whenever he hears music. He just has to move his hips, here he is in Kenya- doing the dammmmmn thang!

THE TRUTH ABOUT WILL & I

Will, Will, Will

My love-hate relationship with Will smith has lasted as long as I can remember. I don't know what happened considering I was a huge fan of the Fresh Prince (I'm convinced I'm one of the few that has seen every single episode - no joke!) but as the "movie-star" appeared in the late 90s, something happened to our connection.

I think I blame some movie roles and the over-celebration of Hollywood tagging him as the "acceptable" one and it irritated me that he could command £20m and real black actors like Forest Whiatker - post Oscar, didn't.

Last night, I watched the very very heart-warming, In Pursuit of Happyness. I melted. I melted at the story. I melted at the performance. I melted at the vision of picking on such a strong topic and succeeding at telling the very compelling tale.

I know remembered some of his original roles which myself and my brother loved, Six Degrees of Seperation, etc.

There is no doubt, this man is very talented and more importantly he stands for something much more greater than just an actor and either you love him or loathe him, you can never deny him this.

JAMES LEWIS

I was watching my regular dose of American idol and I came across the very talented James Lewis. Please watch, just to think no one encoouraged him to take the world by storm.....how could people be so cruel.

Let my people gooooooooooooooooo!